oh no feelings ;;

[nanslice]

I'm struggling to maintain my good vibes. ;; People talk about how bad facebook and twitter are but honestly plurk is where I feel the most alienated. I want to maintain the friendships I have there but. Sigh. I know the mature thing is to be able to maintain friendships with your exes but I'm pretty sure that's when there was an amicable split. This was not that haha. I'm pretty sure a clean break is what is best for me but that's pretty difficult too. It's been three months and I'm better but idk. This person is not worth this level of pain tbh lmao.

I'm getting to the point of depression where I really just want to curl up and not see anyone. But I'll be so disappointed with myself if I back out of going to DnD tomorrow. I desperately want to go.

Feelings are too hard.

Comments

[nimueth]

There is nothing immature about wanting to distance yourself from an ex, even when the breakup is amicable. In this case it sounds like you really need to cut ties, and you shouldn't feel lesser for it. You deserve to heal on your own terms! <3

[nanslice]

Thank you <3

[kalloway]

I know the mature thing is to be able to maintain friendships with your exes but I'm pretty sure that's when there was an amicable split.

I've never been able to do it. The last one was me really trying and the ex doing a ton of shady shit and lying to me because apparently the truth would upset me more somehow?

So yeah, it really depends but I think most of the time, a clean break is better.

*hugs*

[nanslice]

Apparently it's a regular thing for queer people to do but I guess that's one place where I'm very straight minded lmao (and well, doing my own research a lot of lesbians don't remain friends or did and regret it, so unfriending is more common than I was led to believe).

*hugs*

[the_rck]

::hugs:: I hope you can find the activation energy to go to DnD and that it's a good session that lets you feel good while you play.

My father went through a lot of relationship breakups while I was growing up. Generally speaking, as much distance, socially, as possible was better for everyone involved, even when it was amicable. One of his exes said, years after, that people tended to need 2-3 years of no or minimal interaction before they could talk to each other again and that that only worked when everybody was being reasonable. It's harder when you're in a smallish community around shared interests.

(Out of curiosity, what on earth is Plurk?)

[nanslice]

I ended up not going which is honestly for the best for multiple reasons.

That makes a lot of sense. In this case it's probably me being unreasonable because I feel incredibly hurt and betrayed and I can't get over it because I am a big baby haha. :(

Plurk is a side scrolling social media platform that is based in....Taiwan I believe, and is used a lot be RPers and the like. It's also very insular and cliquey which is great when everyone's getting along but terrible when there's any kind of falling out. :\

[corvidology]

As you broke up and not amicably, the mature thing is look out for your own emotional needs/health.

[nanslice]

Thank you. It's really hard to. Say "this is what I need for my mental health" without feeling like needing it makes me childish. But I'm gonna do what I have to do.

[witchka]

Plurk is like an extra circle of hell for some reason. It's so smashed together and small that you generally end up with cliques and then other people that only like three people talk too/reply too on a good day. Idk.

But yeah no you don't have to be friends with your exes, in a lot of cases you really shouldn't unless there's another motivation like a kid.

[nanslice]

It really is. And it's like. I don't know. I left for about two years or so? When I was feeling extremely lonely every time I went there. And now, while i have great friends there, I can't help but destroy myself by looking at ex's posts, even tho I've stopped following them (we're still friends). It's a compulsion oooor I'm just a fucking idiot.

[unikorento]

Even those of us who do maintain friendships with exes, it's a process. There's a disentangling that happens (and it takes at least six months, usually longer) where you need your own spaces. And, at least in my case, the friendship at the end isn't a very close one. It's somewhere between civility and an estranged old friend. Anyway. There's no one-size-fits-all solution.

But I'll be so disappointed with myself if I back out of going to DnD tomorrow. I desperately want to go.

Hey, just remember to forgive yourself if you do end up staying at home. DnD has been around for 40+ years. There will always be more chances to play.

[nanslice]

Yeah. I was all in, 100% invested and devoted to this relationship and I really. Need to untangle my feelings about them and towards them (I'm uuuh, way too loyal and I expect other people to be so as well so when they aren't, boy that stings a lot!) and I just need to. Get away from them, that's honestly for the very best.

And thank you. I ended up staying home (and ended up sleeping through the start of it) and that really is for the best.

[badfalcon]

Yech I can't imagine wanting to be friends with any of my exes - they're out of my life and I'm much happier with them gone. Screw the 'mature' thing, do what's right for you

[nanslice]

You're right. I've got to do what's right for me.

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Clean breaks are entirely healthy. It just means that while you wish them the best, you know that their path is not your path. I had that with my ex-girlfriend and while I think that there are some still unhealthy mindsets, that's all on me and not on her, and I'm still working through mourning a friendship in my own way. I am so sorry though, please practice self care, alright

[nanslice]

Yeah, like. I do wish them well. The circumstances around our breakup are so hard for me to process and deal with because it feels, like...WELL, it just feels real bad! But I do wish them well. But I don't know how to deal with my own feelings towards them now.

And yeah, the mourning a friendship thing. We'd known each other for seven years before ever getting together. And. It's just really hard to deal with. I don't know how people do this tbh haha.

Thank you so much.

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Yeah the most difficult part of a breakup especially when that person started out as a friend is dealing with not only the breakup of the romance but also the friendship. You are in my thoughts

[froodle]

I have amiable/benign feelings towards all but one ex, and I'm not in contact with any of thwm. Not because they're bad people, not because our breakups were horrible (I mean, they were sad and hard, but they weren't being awful to me or anything) but just because... like, the relationship is done? I hope they have nice lives but I've got no interest in heading about it or being part of it. I think it's okay after a breakup just to say bye and cut ties. Doesn't mean anyone is shitty or immature, just means its done.

And for the one where im not amiable, where they actually were a dick to me, cutting ties and blocking every avenue isnt just ok, it's for me advisable. If it's whats right for you, I think that's the only hurdle it's got to pass.

[nanslice]

Yeah, they certainly were never terrible to me (at least never on purpose, I'm trying to deal with the circumstances around our breakup and not take it...super personally, which doesn't make sense since this is all intensely personal, haha) and I wish them well. I only want good things for them. I mean I deeply loved them and probably still do under all the hurt, so of course I still want them to have a good life and good times.

If it's whats right for you, I think that's the only hurdle it's got to pass.

Thank you. That's a really important thing to remember.

[zippitgood]

I can only second a lot of what the others have said. I've always appreciated clean breaks myself because it gives me the space to heal and evaluate things and myself and grow in ways that continuing to be entangled wouldn't. If anything, the longer I stayed attached to anything, it ended up worse for me.

[nanslice]

If anything, the longer I stayed attached to anything, it ended up worse for me.

That's for sure. I feel like every time I make a step towards healing and self-growth, I see something from them that just. Destroys it and leaves me in tears haha. And not anything awful, they're not rude to me at all, it's just. Feelings, you know?

[evilpettingz00]

There's no rule saying you HAVE to be friends with your exes. There's no rule saying you have to remain friends with anyone who no longer fits in your life, period. If you think this is someone you want to keep in your life but are struggling with it, maybe it's a friendship that can be rekindled later on when you're in a better place.

[nanslice]

Thank you. This whole comment is so important to remember. Especially There's no rule saying you have to remain friends with anyone who no longer fits in your life, period. because that's such a hard thing to remember, I guess? I have a habit of clinging to people that I should really let go of.

[evilpettingz00]

Yeah, I can understand that. :-\

[nanslice]

I basically just assume no one new is gonna like me so I stay attached to people who hurt me because! At least they tolerate me! :'D :'D

[chagrined]

+1 what everyone else said. neither staying friends nor a clean break is more mature/immature. do whatever is right for you. if trying to stay in contact is causing you pain, I think you should try ceasing contact. also, *hugs*

[nanslice]

*hugs hugs hugs*

Thank you. I think I'm going to do that. Getting really tired of surprise sob fests, haha.

(and jsyk, our anime watching sessions have been really great and I'm so glad that we are doing them!)

[cye_of_the_torrent]

:( <3

[nanslice]

<3 <3 <3

I'm still planning on coming up to see you! We can play board games or something. :D

[cye_of_the_torrent]

Yessssssssssssss

[ai]

Hi, I'm new here so I feel really weird sliding into this post that's very sensitive without full context, but...

I felt lately that Plurk had grown really bad for maintaining friendships. I had my Plurk account for over ten years and in the last year of using it, would barely receive any replies. Either I wasn't talking about stuff that was interesting or my friends had unfollowed (but didn't unfriend) so there was no one reading my stuff. I would pour a lot of energy into Plurk every day, responding to all the things that were posted while I was asleep, but no one could bother to reply to a single meme of mine. Or even to my remarks I posted in their things.

I recently stopped using Plurk a couple months ago and it has been so much better for not only my self-esteem, but my free time as well. I feel I can do so much more because I'm not chasing after someone down an one-way street, you know?

So don't feel bad about giving up a form of social media if it's not working out for you. It might not be easy, but maybe in the end you'll feel the same kind of peace.

[nanslice]

It's true! I've found that, because plurk actually makes it very easy to have conversations, I'm much more disheartened when conversation doesn't happen, you know? Like, with twitter, I'll just toss out a dumb comment and that's that, because twitter isn't great for conversation (although I've hard some very excellent conversations there!) so I don't really expect anything. But with plurk, hm. I mean, there's definitely some great conversation that happens? But idk, I do feel really weird and sometimes pretty alienated, and part of that is because of actions I needed to take for my own well-being.

Thank you for commenting! You don't ever need to feel weird about commenting on any of my stuff, promise! I'm pretty easygoing about that kind of thing and I appreciate any and all insight. :3

[ai]

Yes, that's it exactly. Plurk is designed for easier conversation and being open enough to invite others into it if they desired. So for the plurks to go unanswered... it's so discouraging.

Here's hoping things settle out for you sooner than later.