Entry tags:
oof oof oof
I ended up spending most of last week violently and grossly ill. :( It was a pretty miserable experience that I don't want to go through again any time soon!
Life feels so hard right now. Part of it is the short, dark, rainy days. I used to think that I enjoyed that but now having lived in the PNW for almost four years, I can safely say winter completely wrecks me. Next year I'm planning a trip out of town.
I certainly wasn't in great mental shape before I got sick but it definitely worsened while I was sick. I just...everything seems to pointless, lol. It's very hard to get excited about anything; looking forward to stuff is just not happening. I also am struggling so hard to focus on anything at all. Like...I just refresh the same three or four websites. Or refresh my email. Or just kinda stare into space, haha.
It's depression, I'm sure of it, it's just never hit so hard before, and I also don't have enough energy or even interest in focusing on anything to take my mind off it. It's like...I want to want to do something like draw or read or play video games, it just feels impossible to actually start doing those things.
And then I'm like....is this a midlife crisis? Do I need to find a new passion? Do I just need some goddamn sun??
idk, guys. It's rough. I'm not in danger or anything, I just. Am having an extremely bad time right now.
In other news,![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cyphercat and I went to watch Deep Sky and it was extremely beautiful and moving. Did I cry? Yes. Space is fascinating.
Life feels so hard right now. Part of it is the short, dark, rainy days. I used to think that I enjoyed that but now having lived in the PNW for almost four years, I can safely say winter completely wrecks me. Next year I'm planning a trip out of town.
I certainly wasn't in great mental shape before I got sick but it definitely worsened while I was sick. I just...everything seems to pointless, lol. It's very hard to get excited about anything; looking forward to stuff is just not happening. I also am struggling so hard to focus on anything at all. Like...I just refresh the same three or four websites. Or refresh my email. Or just kinda stare into space, haha.
It's depression, I'm sure of it, it's just never hit so hard before, and I also don't have enough energy or even interest in focusing on anything to take my mind off it. It's like...I want to want to do something like draw or read or play video games, it just feels impossible to actually start doing those things.
And then I'm like....is this a midlife crisis? Do I need to find a new passion? Do I just need some goddamn sun??
idk, guys. It's rough. I'm not in danger or anything, I just. Am having an extremely bad time right now.
In other news,
cyphercat and I went to watch Deep Sky and it was extremely beautiful and moving. Did I cry? Yes. Space is fascinating.