(no subject)

[nanslice]

Hello DW friends, how are you? I've been very sad lately and I don't understand why.

Classes have started and I'm pretty overwhelmed.
While geology doesn't seem to be a problem, the geology lab was terrifying and hard, filled with math and despair. I asked the professor if it was going to stay that math based and she said no but I'm still pretty terrified.

Etching isn't quite was I thought it was going to be. Instead, it's a mixture of etching and printmaking and tbh the printmaking part doesn't really interest me in the slightest. I might end up dropping it. I'll still have 13 hours, which is full time.

History is history. We're going over ancient history, prehistory, right now. I'm enjoying it, even if I'm unsure about the professor.

Art criticism is awful. I don't know how it's worse than art history but it is and I'm so mad about it, haha.

We haven't really done much in painting so far.


I went to the dentist on Thursday and it wasn't quite as bad as I'd expected it to be. I ended up missing class and work on Thursday-Friday, but I was assured that that was the norm for oral surgery so I did my best to not feel guilty about it, hahaha. I now have another appointment September 24th, so that's happening. That's just going to be fillings though so, you know, not so bad.


I looked for a therapist in my area but they're all either Christian-based or family counseling, which isn't what I'm after. I need to figure out what's wrong with me. Mom told me she didn't think I needed one, that my feelings are because classes have started and I don't have free time anymore, plus my job is being really dumb and also because I don't have my own place. I kinda thought maybe yeah, except this has also been going on over the summer when I had free time. I know that a lot of my depression and anger issues are because I'm feeling trapped and I'm not sure how much talking to a therapist would actually help. I think having a game plan and planning for the future would be more helpful, if I could just manage how to do that.


Anyway, this is a sad post. I'm working on art and writing Stucky for [Bad username or unknown identity: fan_flashworks"]. I've finally decided to buckle down and get some of those achievement badges.

Comments

[beccastareyes]

Even if things have picked up because of classes, that doesn't mean you shouldn't find a therapist to talk to. I know my anxiety and depression vary based on the time of year and my base stress level.

Does your college have counseling services?

[nanslice]

We do but everyone that I know who's gone said the counselor is terrible. I might go talk to her anyway. It probably can't hurt.

[wallwalker]

If I were you, I'd probably drop the Etching class; that's a pretty overwhelming workload there, and you're probably going to hate it if you aren't interested in the material. (How much leeway do you think individual instructors get there, and is there ever another instructor teaching an Etching class? Maybe ask around, see if there's a class closer to what you want.)

[nanslice]

I think I'm going to drop it, yeah. My other classes are pretty heavy in terms of workload and if I drop etching, I'll be able to use that time to prepare for the geo lab (they're on the same day).

There's only one instructor who teaches etching and he happens to be my advisor, hahaha. I quite like him but it's not really him that's the problem, it's the class itself.

[houtarouh]

Definitely drop the etching class. Try to find a class that really piques your interest or talk to a counselor for suggestions that is closer to a class that you might enjoy.

I know how you feel about the mental health stuff, as I too suffer from them quite a lot 10 years ago. I still haven't found a good therapist, due to the same reasons as you (mainly Christian-based/family counseling). My mom too, thinks I don't need it and that there's nothing wrong with me. I wish you all the best on this.

[nanslice]

I'm going to. It's too late to add a class but that's okay, I'll still be full time. I actually wish I'd managed to add intro to counseling; according to one of my friends it's a pretty fascinating class. XD

Thanks you. I am hoping that things will even out. I'm pretty used to my moods shifting pretty quickly but this is such a bad time for me to experiencing a low. Good luck to you as well.

[ashkitty]

I'm like that quite a bit--especially lately with the thesis, where I'm like, well I could find someone to talk to but what I really need is to just finish the damn thing so I can go on to things like jobs and flats of my own and not feeling trapped. So I get that.

But that said, it actually probably will help. I mean, therapy doesn't have to be about curing anything, you know? But basically all human beings can benefit from having an impartial but supportive person to listen to them work through all their shit, I think.

Anyway, hope things calm down a bit!

[nanslice]

Yes! Exactly. I could do talk to someone or I could take the steps I know would help with how trapped I feel. But taking the steps aren't actually feasible right now. :(

I'm still looking, although it hasn't been going well. I've been halfheartedly looking into free online counseling but I'm a little cautious about that. XD

Thank you!

[redsixwing]

Whoof, that's a heck of a workload.

Best luck with fan_flashworks stuff! Their prompts are fun. ^^

[nanslice]

It's pretty intimidating! Especially since geology is a lot of surprise!math. :\

Thank you! I've got 800+ words on the first prompt I'm working on for it. :3

[tropicsbear]

This might be a cultural thing (since therapy still isn't that big here and most people think of it as only for the stereotypically "insane") but though I've felt similarly at certain points in my life, it never occurred to me to go to a therapist.

If it's something you feel like you need, definitely go for it. It couldn't hurt and there's only pros and no cons, from what I can see.

[nanslice]

Haha, yeah, pretty much everyone my age and younger than I know have talked to a therapist at least once. XD It's a pretty common thing here.

*well-meaning deers spotted*

[taichara]

Don't discount the effects of pain, and anxiety over same (and ability -- funds, etc -- to deal with both the pain and the anxiety), to drop you down a hole of misery and keep you there while also compounding all the other stress factors. Trust me on this one, I've been there.

Classes and stupid work and feeling trapped suck and cause mountains of stress (I'm also right there, really) and the rest isn't helping you deal with those. Once you have the dental work finished -- excellent to hear the first stage went well, by the by! -- and the pain is gone, you'll be surprised at the difference, and you won't be having the anxiety tied to the pain/dental bills/dental trips hanging over your head any more, either.

Drop the etching class. If it's not what you were expecting, and you're still covered by the other classes, drop it now before it gnaws on you more. There's no sense doing a class you can drop when it will only keep adding to anxiety and stress -- the longer you wait, the more it's going to pile up, with guilt as an interest fee.

I do think once the dental work is cleared up coping with the rest will go at least a little better, though. *hugs*


(When things are a little less flarghl for you, I totally have that commission if you're still offering them down the road *grin*)

Re: *well-meaning deers spotted*

[nanslice]

That's true! I've been worried about finances given that I'm losing time at work and accruing more debt to make up for it (and also dental ish, ugh). My dental work is the kind that has to be stretched over the course of a few months simply because I don't have the insurance to just go to an oral surgeon so I'm having to do things a bit at a time, haha. It will get better eventually.

I'm going to talk to my advisor today about dropping it.

In theory commissions never closed but yeah, when things get a little less flarghl I will definitely be interested in working for you! :3

Re: *well-meaning deers spotted*

[taichara]

*nods* Yeh, I have the convenience of a dental school in the city so I can get cheaper rates, but even then there's been times that I had to space things out. It'll be worth it, though, and you'll be feeling much better when it's all over :3

Vibes for the advisor talk! *hugs*


Awesome :3 And no worries, I'll still be about when everything is smoother :D

[chagrined]

*hugs* even if ur depression is "caused" by external things rather than internal, or w/e, seeking therapy is ttly equally legit. i know for me, even tho i felt like my brain itself was working fine, it was everything horrible going on in my life making me feel terrible, but therapy has definitely helped with that. i hope you are able to eventually find someone. maybe if there is no one good near u u could find someone who would do appointments over skype or something, even tho that may not be ideal.

[nanslice]

Thank you. Seriously. I've been telling myself that my brain is working fine, it's just outside forces making everything difficult, so there's no reason to talk to a non-biased outside party. But that's simply not true.

[scribblemoose]

In my experience it's when you feel stuck that way that counselling can really help - a good therapist will be able to help you work out what you really want and how to get there.

[nanslice]

That's definitely what I need, some kind of guidance from someone who doesn't have anything at stake or anything to lose/gain by pushing me in one direction or the other.

[shipwreck_light]

Art criticism was always my least favorite class and I took stat.

Yeah. There's generally not a lot of love that. BUT YOUR TEETH ARE GETTING BETTER. And I'm sure there's a talking person out there for you somewhere close by who isn't going to try to spoon feed you Jesus. Jesus would not approve of that!

*SO MANY HUGS*