(no subject)

[nanslice]

Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post. I wrote a hugely emotional post, posted it, and then decided to make it private. It contains all the typical words a daughter who's become a caregiver to the cancer-stricken father she loves very much, I imagine. It felt good to write, very much like a release, but I doubt it's really something other people would get much out.

Today started pretty terribly but then got better! I went to work. I studied up on caregiving and what one should expect/should do and it made me feel better in general. Less helpless, more like I have a game plan. So we'll see!

I am still very sad and still crying pretty regularly. But I'm adjusting. I don't want to say it's going to get better because it very likely won't. But. All we can do is take it one day at a time.

Comments

[ashkitty]

You made it private sometime between my beginning to type a reply and posting it, but I think it's okay, you know? Whatever you need to get out, whatever you don't want to have to reply to comments on. <3

[nanslice]

Oh, now I'm curious about what you were going to say, haha. I was very emotional when I wrote that and subsequently locked it. I'm feeling a bit better now.

Thank you so much. <3 <3 <3

[ashkitty]

Oh, it was just about how you said something about wanting him to at least go with loved ones around, as comfortably as possible. I think that's the best any of us can hope for, in the end--so I hope that for him, but also that it doesn't need to happen for some good time yet.

There will always be things at the end of our lives we regret, or wish we'd done, not done, done differently. But knowing we're surrounded by love counts for a fair bit, I think. Anyway, thinking of you. <33

[helvetica]

Your attitude is really inspiring. You're very strong in facing this the way you are! thinking of you often!

[nanslice]

Oh, I'm sure I'm coming off as much stronger and more put together than I actually am, haha. But thank you so much. <3

[novel_machinist]

<3 It's your journal. The only person who needs to get anything out of it is you. I'm really pleased that you're seeking out resources. I was going to suggest that, actually. Taking care of yourself mentally and finding a good support group is very important.

One day at a time.

[nanslice]

One day at a time. That's all we can do.

Thank you so much. <3

[scribblemoose]

One day at a time is the only way to go. *hugs* If there's anything at all you'd like to know about caregiving (I looked after my husband who had cancer for six years before he died) I'd be very pleased to answer any questions. And do keep rainting, and let yourself cry. It's important to express the many and varied emotions you'll have.

I can also say that caring for my husband during that terribly difficult time is also one of the most gratifying and satisfying things I've ever done. There were times of real joy and happiness. Obviously I'd rather he hadn't got sick - but just to say, it's not all bad, if that makes any sense.

[nanslice]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will probably have questions but right now everything's just a blur. I'm trying hard to let myself feel the negative emotions without letting them take over everything. It's so hard.

It makes sense. It's hard to put into words; how can something so horrible have sweet moments? But watching my mom and my dad be affectionate (when they weren't so much before) and spending more meaningful time with him (not saying anything, just being together)...these are moments where my love for him is indescribable. And I honestly wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

[houtarouh]

Keeping you in my thoughts! *hugs*

Remember: one day at a time. Take very good care of yourself. :)