(no subject)

[nanslice]

My sister got in touch with a local cancer support group so that's good. The head of it is one of her grooming clients so that's incredibly handy, haha. I ended up having a chat with her and got very emotional; her mother died of cancer and she was a cancer survivor, so she had a lot of experience and had a lot to share with me. Some of it was helpful, some of it was terrifying. But probably still helpful.

My boss told me that we needed to set up a living will. This is a terrifying discussion. I brought it up to my mom and she does not want to bring it up to my dad. I can understand, of course, but. I think it's something that needs to be discussed.

My dad and I shook hands today and he was able to grasp my hand pretty firmly. This is a victory. He also got up from his wheelchair and was able to get in his recliner with minimal help. This is a huge victory.

I told my dad that there was no place I'd rather be than by his side and he started to cry. I managed to keep a straight face and a non-wavering voice when I hugged him and told him that I loved him and that he was one of my favorite people in the world so where else would I rather be than right by his side? And he told me I was his favorite kid. Of course, once I got him situated and left the room I started to cry. But! I didn't cry in front of him.

Kiddo (my great niece) is coming over this weekend. She knows some of what's going on but not all. On one hand, I'm glad she'll be here since she needs to spend time with him. He helped raise her! On the other hand, I wonder if, at 15, she'll be able to handle this. I don't want her crying in front of him. They need to be able to have a good time together.

My mom cried a little today but one of her friends called and they had a nice chat. I think it was helpful for her. I'm going to insist that she take advantage of the cancer support group. She needs to be able to get her emotions out.

Comments

[the_rck]

If you're in the US, there's a thing called a medical power of attorney that basically gives someone the right to make medical decisions for you if you're unconscious/incapacitated (this has come up both times I've had surgery). It might be something that you could all do so that it's not so obviously meant for your father. It's less complex than a living will because the living will asks a person to make decisions about what they want to have happen in all sorts of hypothetical situations while the medical power of attorney asks someone else to make the decisions with the information available then.

I think that the medical power of attorney is potentially harder on whoever has to make the decisions, however.

[lassarina]

The living will is a good idea, but I can understand how it's hard to bring up. Maybe the Internet has some suggestions on ways to approach it? :/

Support is really important for everybody.

[novel_machinist]

I second the POA thing. Making, say, you his Power of Attorney will allow you to make medical/legal choices on his behalf when he's no longer capable of doing so. Getting a living will in order is good, you're right, it's something that does need to happen, but maybe your mom could do it for herself and then it's done, just in case something happens. Living wills are more useful IMO when there's no one trustworthy to be a POA or there may be contention among the family.

I think it's good that Kiddo is going to say hello and visit with your father. It's going to be hard, it's going to be really heavy, but as someone who wasn't told a family member was dying until it was too late under the guise of "protecting" me, I would rather know than resent everyone for not letting me in.

Hang in there