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Jul. 3rd, 2024 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nansliceThis post originally started with "Happy Solstice!" That's how long this window has been open. XD;;
Honestly, June ended up being really troubling.
I think I ended up getting two messages from my sister about my mom absolutely dying, she ended up being rushed to the ER at one point, and it somehow feels so much more serious now, like her luck has run out and things are really bad. And I'm so fucking scared. It's impossible to get real information from my sister about this, my mom will absolutely not tell me anything she doesn't want me to know, and I simply do not know what to do.
I'm also painfully aware that in the first two years I was gone, my Mom developed a 3 inch hole in her chest, which she kept hidden from my sister, which was what was the first sign she had cancer. but I know if I'd been living there, she would have showed me it as soon as it started to develop. I know that deep in my soul she would have shown me. And she wouldn't have gotten as bad. And she'd definitely have less animals to deal with and would be getting a ton more enrichment because my life would revolve around her happiness. And like, that would absolutely be bad, for real but ooh boy. As a child I'd planned to be my parents caregiver and then when my mom dies (I knew my dad would die first, idk how) I would also just die too. Like. I had no goals outside of that.
Not healthy and not actually how I feel and believe now, but having had that thought for so long (at least 20 years), I'm pretty sure it's still Having An Affect.
But anyways, it's now July! Which is very nice. I've been playing A LOT of Stardew Valley, which has just been the best. I made it one year in my Guilliman farm but now I'm playing my farm, now that I understand how to actually play this game. I get it now. It all makes sense. I want to live in Stardew Valley. ;o;
In real life gardening, yesterday was the first harvest of the snap peas!
(please excuse the dirty wooden spoon on the stove!)
I popped them in a chicken stir fry and they were so delicious. :D There's loads more on the vines so W's gonna make hummus and we'll something tasty to dip them in.
I'm very slowly getting a signup together for![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
battleshipex! Am pretty excited to participate this year. I'm a terrible teammate tho, I don't play to win, I just play to have fun, haha. I want to treat it like rare kink buffet, where I'm just hyperfocused and creating so much stuff. I know it won't play out exactly the same way, since that was entirely anonymous so even tho I was writing off prompts, it still wasn't for anyone. But we'll see! I'm excited. :)
I also resubbed FFXIV and bought Dawntrail but it's been pretty slow-going and my focus is absolutely terrible, haha. I really like the graphical differences! My WoL is so beautiful. <3 Here he is, altho how irritating that it's not showing his glamours. :\
So I'll just post a picture of him that I took! I very much love Yesun. He's a terrible RPG hero but he's great to get beers with! Which is why I need to get to Dawntrail, vacation expansion is entirely up his alley. |D
Tomorrow is the 4th of July and we are Americans but I don't think we're going to be doing too much. I think I'm going to try to be creative again, since I've definitely fallen of any kind of art. :\a And also maybe play some more Stardew Valley and FFXIV. |3
Honestly, June ended up being really troubling.
I think I ended up getting two messages from my sister about my mom absolutely dying, she ended up being rushed to the ER at one point, and it somehow feels so much more serious now, like her luck has run out and things are really bad. And I'm so fucking scared. It's impossible to get real information from my sister about this, my mom will absolutely not tell me anything she doesn't want me to know, and I simply do not know what to do.
I'm also painfully aware that in the first two years I was gone, my Mom developed a 3 inch hole in her chest, which she kept hidden from my sister, which was what was the first sign she had cancer. but I know if I'd been living there, she would have showed me it as soon as it started to develop. I know that deep in my soul she would have shown me. And she wouldn't have gotten as bad. And she'd definitely have less animals to deal with and would be getting a ton more enrichment because my life would revolve around her happiness. And like, that would absolutely be bad, for real but ooh boy. As a child I'd planned to be my parents caregiver and then when my mom dies (I knew my dad would die first, idk how) I would also just die too. Like. I had no goals outside of that.
Not healthy and not actually how I feel and believe now, but having had that thought for so long (at least 20 years), I'm pretty sure it's still Having An Affect.
But anyways, it's now July! Which is very nice. I've been playing A LOT of Stardew Valley, which has just been the best. I made it one year in my Guilliman farm but now I'm playing my farm, now that I understand how to actually play this game. I get it now. It all makes sense. I want to live in Stardew Valley. ;o;
In real life gardening, yesterday was the first harvest of the snap peas!
(please excuse the dirty wooden spoon on the stove!)
I popped them in a chicken stir fry and they were so delicious. :D There's loads more on the vines so W's gonna make hummus and we'll something tasty to dip them in.
I'm very slowly getting a signup together for
battleshipex! Am pretty excited to participate this year. I'm a terrible teammate tho, I don't play to win, I just play to have fun, haha. I want to treat it like rare kink buffet, where I'm just hyperfocused and creating so much stuff. I know it won't play out exactly the same way, since that was entirely anonymous so even tho I was writing off prompts, it still wasn't for anyone. But we'll see! I'm excited. :) I also resubbed FFXIV and bought Dawntrail but it's been pretty slow-going and my focus is absolutely terrible, haha. I really like the graphical differences! My WoL is so beautiful. <3 Here he is, altho how irritating that it's not showing his glamours. :\
So I'll just post a picture of him that I took! I very much love Yesun. He's a terrible RPG hero but he's great to get beers with! Which is why I need to get to Dawntrail, vacation expansion is entirely up his alley. |D
Tomorrow is the 4th of July and we are Americans but I don't think we're going to be doing too much. I think I'm going to try to be creative again, since I've definitely fallen of any kind of art. :\a And also maybe play some more Stardew Valley and FFXIV. |3
