Plant your hope with good seeds

I've drawn three Warhammer things for Rare Kink Buffet 2025 and they each have very different vibes. I'm pleased. ;3; One of them is a fivesome, do y'all realize how difficult that is to draw? PHEW. There's still a couple of weeks to create more stuff and I would like to but I'd also like to post something sooner than that. XD; I would like praise pls. ;3;

(so important to create for yourself but also I want people to see what I have made and then tell me nice things about it and I think it should be okay for all of us to admit that lol)

I've been rereading A Year's Temptation, which is one of my very favorite Harry/Draco fics. I don't really fuck with HP anymore and haven't participated in that fandom in, gosh, I don't know how long, but that particular fic is a cozy blanket (it's a creature fic with lots of manipulation, there's cheating, it's a messy, tasty fic). As it's pretty grey and chilly out, it's a good day for comfort reads. <3

Anyways, today Will had PT so Selphie and I tagged along and took a pretty intense little walk! Here she is in all her majesty (taking an epic snooze). <3

This was all written on Wednesday.

Lads, the only good thing about working at Whole Foods was that my coworkers thought I was in my mid-twenties. As a 38 year old woman, that was pretty sweet lmao. But I quickly realized I'm over retail work so W and I agreed that I should just hold off until my actual job starts in mid-July. I pulled from my 401k to just keep myself afloat until then; honestly I'll be fine.

The only problem with this is that I'm terrible at staying home. I'm purely an extrovert and interacting with others is pretty crucial to my mental health. Unfortunately, going outside often costs money (especially in this expensive ass city) so I'm holding off doing anything like that (yes, I do go for walks in parks and stuff, for sure, but that's more a nature thing than a socializing thing). It's tough, guys!

There are a couple of things this weekend I want to do and I'm hoping they both can work out. Folklife is happening this weekend and I'd love to hit it up on Saturday. On Sunday, our favorite local game store is having a little kitten popup event with one of the local shelters. I don't want to adopt a kitten but I sure would love to play with some. ;3;

Today was a pretty funky day for both of us so we took a little dog out for a nice walk and some coffee.

AND NOW IT'S THURSDAY. XD

H/T to misbegotten: Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat. Man, does this truly sum up all the problems I've had with fandom in the past few years. Tourist is certainly not my favorite term; I'm mostly familiar with jerkass alt-right Warhammer 40k fans using it against anyone who is "White male sexless Space Marines" but other than that, I get all of this. The entitlement (which has always been there but seems to have ramped up), the commodification of fandom, the content farming...it's all so very frustrating. Fandom and the internet has changed so much and it's so frustrating and weh! And also, like, as a fanartist, it's like....art theft x20. It's fandom theft lmao. It just makes me real mad lol.

...anyways, I clearly had a lot of feelings about this! Maybe you will too. Who knows.

I was going to start this post with "How is it already August?" but friends, it's August 11th. How? Why? I realize my last post was opining it being already mid-July so it looks like I'm just incapable of keeping up with time. I've kind of been having trouble keeping up with much of anything lately, and I suspect that's because I'm really suffering some major depression. Sometimes I can't even remember what I did in an evening, because I didn't actually do anything. Just...refreshed the same five websites over and over. And that's no good! That's not really how I want to spend my time!

So last night I started playing Baldur's Gate. No, not the 3rd one, the 1st, lol. I haven't played it in a very long time, and never by myself (always with at least one other person) so I honestly have no idea how the story goes. But it's time to find out! And fingers crossed that I actually finish it and the sequel by the time I can actually play the 3rd, lol.

I also used a new email for Crunchyroll so I could use the trial and maybe watch some anime! Because I like anime! I can watch an episode here and there! Especially since I'm planning on attending Sakura-Con next year! And there are a couple of summer shows that look like they'd be really fun! Like Undead Murder Farce and and Zom 100! And The Masterful Cat is Depressed Again Today and The Great Cleric!. So, yeah.

I haven't even been reading very much Warhammer! Which, I have access to so many books. They're right there! There's a new release in November that I would love to be prepared for! But gosh. Consuming media has just been so difficult lately. It's like I just don't have the focus for anything anymore. I want to! But.

Yeah, anyways, this is why I'm thinking my depressos have been quietly working overtime and I've just kept brushing off any concerns until, here I am, just a puddle of sads and lack of interest.

But no more. It's the weekend! I'm about to go outside and play with my dog and ( cut for drug usage ) pot my new plants that just came in the mail, and then I'm going to sit down and play some Baldur's Gate (on story mode, so that mentioned drug usage won't fuck me over too badly).

I hope everyone is doing well!

( Uhm mental health stuff and suicide ideation except I realized what was happening and immediately got help )

So that's that! I'm...still fairly emotionally fragile and I've randomly been tearing up. I'm privileged enough to be in a position where I can take some time off from work. W called it some midwinter wifing, I called it being a housecarl, either way it means I'll be staying home for a little while. Get my bearings back, I guess.

But! I did manage to get the Christmas tree decorated and made stockings for everyone! That's...that's something, right?

Temperatures have dropped sharply here and we got a bit of snow. I've spent the day in fuzzy pajamas and socks, with a blanket around my shoulders. I've also managed to finally put my flannel sheets on the bed and they're extremely cozy.



Selphie girl modeling for you. ♥

It also seemed like a good day to start a new game in Skyrim? It was on a pretty steep sale on Steam so I snagged it and immediately started modding things. I'd never played on PC before so that was a bit of a learning experience but I figured it out quickly enough with a friend's help.



I'm really pleased with how she looks! It's been a long time since I've played so it all feels new to me. I'm also playing as a stealth archer, which is way outside of what I typically like to play as (me + stealthing = failure) but it's going pretty well so far. cypher also started a new game; they're playing a Khajiit on their PS4. It's a lot of fun to be able to play near each other (my desk is right next to their spot on the couch) and it feels like a bit of a bonding activity haha.

Tomorrow is my first day at my new job and I'm trying not to be nervous about it. Technically I'm in the same position (for now), just in a different store, but it's with a completely different team and I'm sure there are lots of things they do differently. But there's no reason to fret. I just need to be open to learning how to do things the way this store does them.

(I'm a pretty social extrovert who's generally good with people, I know this, people have told me this, but that does not help with the nerves haha)

ANYWAY. Right now there is heavy sleeting happening outside so soon I'll be in bed, cuddling a dog and at least one cat, and slowly ticking away at Cats and Soup. When I think about that, there really doesn't seem to be anything at all to worry about.

We watched Logan yesterday for my nephew's birthday. Now, I'm not a huge X-Men fan, I don't really care that much about these movies. ( Spoilers )

Anyway, we're supposed to have some pretty severe weather today. We'll see! I really enjoy thunderstorms but I'd rather not have the hail or super duper high winds.

So last Friday we had our installed critique for our projects in graphic design. Two professors critiqued me; the ceramics professor (also the head of the art department) and the art history professor (also the museum director). It was a mixed bag! The major points ended up being:

Ceramics Professor: He basically made the suggestion that I'm not knowledgeable enough about the zodiac to do this project justice. He also questioned why I made Taurus a girl since Taurus is symbolized by a bull and bulls are male. HOWEVER, today my graphic design professor told me not to worry about that, to not worry about these kinds of gender absolutions. Also, she seemed to appreciate that I didn't take his criticism to heart; honestly I don't respect his opinion very much so I wasn't too bothered by why he said, haha.

Art History Professor: She was so, so enthused. She wanted me to add a border around the posters so they can be more easily framed. She wants me to finish the set and write some kind of narrative (she specifically mentioned a graphic novel/manga). She also told me to look into making figurines (!!!) of the characters. She loved my color palettes and was just really supportive and awesome.

SO YEAH. A mixed bag but the ceramics professor is a toolbag - one of my classmates made oil candles and he ruined one by turned it upside down and shaking it, which made her cry - so I'm absolutely going to listen to the art history professor, since she is so supportive and crazy smart and just awesome.

I've done some research into making figurines and wow, is that expensive. I also thought about creating dolls using Dollfie Plus dolls (the ones about the size of Barbies) but apparently those are no longer produced???? But then I thought about making plush dolls, which would be, in theory, a lot easier to do. I'm going to try making one and see how it goes; it might go pretty well.

Both art history professor and graphic design professor would like me to expand this so that it can be my capstone; so the posters, the cards, the figurines/plushies, apparel, stickers/buttons, stuff like that. I'm pretty excited!



Here's my display in the retail space! There's a spotlight on it so photos don't look so great, haha. The posters will be for sale but I need to redo the cards, since they're not really cut very well; plus it's only half and there's no reason to sell a half a deck of cards.

THANKSGIVING BREEEAAAAK. I don't actually have much of a break, since I still work today and Friday, but at least I don't have to go to class (I would have...preferred it the other way around but you know, I can't have everything). I don't actually like Thanksgiving very much and my sister is coming over, which is kind of a bummer (my fault, I invited her), but that's okay. At least I get some time off. |D

The waiting room thing Monday went well; I ended up playing a lot of Pokemon rather than wrote, haha, but I have 2/4 fics finished of the ones I was prompted, and I think I'll work on the rest for my advent calendar.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, the advent calendar is looking to be very Yuri on Ice related, because I'm adoring these characters and I love Victuuri and Russian!Yuri and Leo/Guang-Hong and Phichit and I just. I want to get to do things for all of them. So...you know. Probably very Yuri on Ice focused. Sorry other fandoms. |D

GOSH anyway, I gotta get ready for work (boo) but I'm feeling really positive and happy today. Yay. :D

I honestly have no idea what I've been doing with my time. I haven't watched anything new recently, I haven't been drawing very much, I haven't written anything. I've studied a bit of ChoiceScript and I've been working but other than that??? idk, man.

SPEAKING OF WORKING I'm writing my resignation letter to the vet hospital because I've been offered more time at the receptionist job and I'm going to take her up on her offer. It's my sister, btw, so of course. XD It's less hourly pay but more and better hours and I'll be home in the evening for my parents so it's definitely a good idea. I just. Resignation letters are really hard. Aaaaahhh.

Still madly in love with Avengers Academy but I'm getting worried that I won't be able to get Bucky before this event ends. I WILL THROW MONEY AT THIS DUMB GAME IF IT COMES DOWN TO THAT.

The new Voltron cartoon starts June 10th and I didn't even know about it until this morning but I'm excited. :D

So there's been yet another tumblr post about how much everyone misses LJ/DW. I reblogged it in hopes that more people see it. ;3;

I was bad and ordered Until Dawn. I'm terrible with horror games but this one is more of an interactive story (like Telltale's games!) so I'm probably going to be able to handle this. It plays off of slasher movie tropes, which I adore and forces the player to make choices that can have a ripple effect throughout the game. Basically, this is The Butterfly Effect: The Game. I can dig it. |3 I'm going to play it in the dark with headphones on and be so scared, it's going to be GREAT.

I haven't really been consuming much media lately. I might have talked imperion to watch Arslan Senki; I'll probably pick that back up before long. I also need to catch up on Agents of SHIELD before the 3rd season starts airing.

I still haven't been able to focus on things very well lately. It's frustrating when I look at things I need to get done. Oh well. ;;;;

It might be time to change my DW layout. :\a

Since the season finale of Agents of SHIELD aired last night, I'm hoping the second season gets added to Netflix soon. I could just download it but meeeeh, downloading is such a hassle and my internet has extremely wonky lately. 8|

I wrote an original thing for the GoodReads Love is an Open Road Event and while I'm not sure I'm entirely proud of what I came up with (I quite love the characters and the idea though, so I might be revisiting at a later date) and I'm kind of proud that I managed to bang out a coherent story in a couple of days (...I really shouldn't have signed up for this thing) and it also ended up being the longest thing I've ever written and actually completed (~5k which isn't too terribly impressive but I was pleased anyway).

In somewhat related news, I'm kind of interested in participating in bb_shousetsu for their sports thing. I mean it's called GUYS AND BALLS. How could I pass that up?! But the question is whether to write, draw, or offer up illustration services? I don't know. :\a

I'm quite sleepy and I have to work tonight. ;;; Why do days off go so fast?

Edit: I signed up to write and to maybe illustrate my own story over on bb_shousetsu, wish me luck. ;;;;