Plant your hope with good seeds

I've started writing again. I haven't written anything since September, 2022, and before that was a couple of Genshin fics, but I've not consistently written for fandom in quite some time. Part of it is because I have limited time for fandom so I prioritize art over fic. But the main reason is I was getting in my own head about what is actual good fic, whether I'm any good at it, not really vibing with what fandom seems to what most of the time. But I also haven't been reading fic either, which is kind of rough. My current fandom is Warhammer 40k and I know things are being written but it's so hard to focus on things and, I don't know, it just doesn't feel like as much fun as it used to be.

So I stepped back to the year 2000 and went to a website I lived on: GW Addiction. This website was the holy grail for me back in the day, most of my time spent online started on that website and then followed webrings and links to other, far off websites. I stepped back in time and I started reading some of these fics and, gosh. Those authors were having fun. Just, writing whatever the fuck they wanted to write.

And it kind of kickstarted my brain into gear! To just shut up and do the thing! Have fun with it! Not everything needs to be an epic or a sprawling masterpiece or the world's hottest porn! Sometimes, a fic is just a fun little snapshot of a ship and how you view them. And that's okay. That's preferable, even!

So anyways. I'm working on a fun little thing for ficinabox and I'm really kind of excited about it, hehe. :)

It's hard, taking a step back to get inspiration but not fall into melancholia and nostalgia for the past. I really miss how fandom was in the 2000s, sometimes so much so that it's a physical ache. I suspect this has a lot to do with all the Real Life bullshit that's been going on, both in my personal life and the world at large, that makes me yearn for a simpler time. (I know I've mentioned my nostalgia before and I'll probably mention it again, shrug shrug)

Who knows, friends, who knows.

Oh, but I'm currently on vacation and that's very nice. <3 One thing I'm planning to do is catch up on comments! I got this!

So. I've been in fandom for a very long time. It was late 2000, I was a shy 13 year old, and we got our first computer. I immediately started searching (not "googling", nope; I used Alta Vista back then) for Slayers and Sailor Moon related stuff. I almost immediately fell into Darkness Rising (I can't believe that site is still around) and the rest is history. Because I didn't go to high school, fandom was absolutely my main way of interacting with the world. From 2000 to 2005, I was basically a shut-in. Then I started college and met imperion. And I mean! I was still addicted to fandom! It's just that I had a partner in crime to enjoy it with irl, haha.

But things change. Fandom is a very different animal. It's so open now. People write their porn under their real name and photo. Rather than the deep discussions available on yahoo groups and journaling websites, the flash bang of tumblr rules. People don't really talk about things anymore. They just like and scroll on. And I've found that although people talk a lot about coming back to journal fandom and recreating what once was, it often ends up being nostalgia talking and very little actually gets done.

And maybe that's just the way it's suppose to be. Nothing can really recreate those golden years. And not just in terms of how fandom works; I don't think I could go back to being as consumed by fandom as I was. And that was absolutely part of the appeal, being able to just lose myself in this online world. I can't. There's too much happening offline. I have too many responsibilities. I have original works I want to develop. I want to take in new media.

I don't know. I still read fic and I'm still interested in writing fic. But. I don't know. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I'm just feeling really sad about the way fandom was but also aware and (finally) accepting that we can never go back to that, and also unsure about whether I would if I could and why is does this particular hobby mean so much (because it was very much a Way of Life for a while there, haha, oh me).

Anyway. This whole thing probably doesn't make much sense but I definitely would love to hear y'all thoughts.

THANKSGIVING BREEEAAAAK. I don't actually have much of a break, since I still work today and Friday, but at least I don't have to go to class (I would have...preferred it the other way around but you know, I can't have everything). I don't actually like Thanksgiving very much and my sister is coming over, which is kind of a bummer (my fault, I invited her), but that's okay. At least I get some time off. |D

The waiting room thing Monday went well; I ended up playing a lot of Pokemon rather than wrote, haha, but I have 2/4 fics finished of the ones I was prompted, and I think I'll work on the rest for my advent calendar.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, the advent calendar is looking to be very Yuri on Ice related, because I'm adoring these characters and I love Victuuri and Russian!Yuri and Leo/Guang-Hong and Phichit and I just. I want to get to do things for all of them. So...you know. Probably very Yuri on Ice focused. Sorry other fandoms. |D

GOSH anyway, I gotta get ready for work (boo) but I'm feeling really positive and happy today. Yay. :D

Yessss, Sunday is over, now my weekend starts! \o/ It promises to be a quiet couple of days off, since I don't get paid until Friday and I'm broke as a joke. But that's okay because I want to get some serious work in on the comic.

seasonofkink starts tomorrow...I mean, later today! I'm hesitant to signup because porn can be so difficult to write but. Bingo cards, man. I love them. Plus look at this sweet, sweet prompt list. ;3; Plus, art is allowed so maybe I'll just draw porn instead, HOW ABOUT THAT??? ...I already know how that'll go, I'll draw it and then feel the need to attach a ficlet because that always happens. ;;;;

space_swap seems like it might be relevant to some of y'alls interests! It's a multifandom exchange, but the fandoms all have to take place in SPAAAAACE. I would participate but the only space fandom I have is Gundam Wing. ALTHOUGH apparently Sailor Moon qualifies as well, so maybe I'll have to peruse everything I'm familiar with and see what else might apply. :\a WHOA and actually I reckon TMNT qualifies, with the Krang and everything. Huh.

So this Monday starts the last week of class; after that, it's all finals. I'm only nervous about one class but I'm really just eager for this semester to be over with. Which I think I've mentioned before. Multiple times. Sorry. ;3;

Multifandom friending meme! It's almost the end of the year, perfect timing for a good ol' friending meme. I keep thinking about see if anime_manga would be interested in having a friending meme. HMMMM.

I'm accepting topics to talk about for the December meme! If I've not commented on yours, let me know; I probably missed it and I would hate to do so!

Something I did for the friending meme but haven't done here is talk about the manga that I'm currently reading. I have MangaRock on my tablet, which is basically a manga ereader and it's really the best thing ever. I discovered Rutta & Kodama, which is now one of my favorite yaoi manga. It's so sweet! But anyway, there are multiple ongoing manga that I'm following. It's a pretty long list. I will eventually (EVENTUALLY!) make a post about all of them.

I really need to catch up on Teen Wolf before the next season starts.

I signed up for makobdayexchange and ended up wanting to write all my prompts myself, haha. I'm so looking forward to this challenge.

I received my picture prompts for spook_me. They're so perfect. One of them, I think, is fanart for the Charger or Tank in L4D2, which immediately makes me want to write for that one. XD

I'm really looking forward to getting to sleep in tomorrow. ;;;

I'm basically taking off work today to try to get through some of the ridiculous amount of work that's due tomorrow. If I manage to finish early (or while I'm taking a break) I'm going to try to write/draw something for this journal. Or maybe just...post fanart that was posted on tumblr but never made it here. ;;;;