Plant your hope with good seeds

ADHD assessment on the 18th went well, was scheduled for the DIVA test a week later, and scored 9 out of 9 for both attention deficit AND hyperactivity, and that I had this at a young age but had "limited impairment due to compensation of external structure" which according to my doctor basically means I was pretty heavily sheltered and tended to by my mom (which is true) so I didn't get a chance to really fuck up. And I mean, looking back, yeah, I can see it? But also....:\ Now as an adult trying to navigate the world, I'm kind of...whew, boy. XD;

SO YEAH THAT'S GREAT wow, lmao, I'm so. Frustrated. And I have a bachelor's degree and I was like but I have a bachelor's degree, I was able to focus and do that, and she was like yes, in something you're interested in (art). And I was like well okay. :\ This explains a lot but I'm not super thrilled.

UHM YEAH so yeah. I have a PCP appointment on the 17th to do blood work and maybe look at blood pressure medication, but also to talk about a medication that my ADHD doc would like me to go on (that's not a stimulant, bc we gotta get blood pressure in order, plus I gotta talk to the hospital in GA for records bc I have a bigeminy and ADHD doc wants to look at those results before putting me on stimulants (although there is a non-stimulant medication that she recommended to try first). BUT she thinks my problems with staying and committing to work is agoraphobia and/or a panic disorder. Uhm. So yeah, my poor brain is a goddamn mess lmao whoops.

Will has been an absolute trooper through all though, even though I keep making terrible jokes about them being stuck with me now that we're married. XD Although they have suspected this probably longer than I have so none of this is that much of a surprise for them.

In other news, today is July fourth, I'm not feeling patriotic at all, and the fireworks aren't helping. But here's some recent harvest photos.


A couple of zucchini and 2 quarts of cherries. <3

We're married! It was so wonderful and lovely. We picked out four different songs to play: I'm Gonna Be by The Proclaimers, Work Song by Hozier, Hopeless Wanderer by Mumford & Sons, and Smithereens by Twenty One Pilots. Our witness was the little dog (and some people who worked at the restaurant beside it) and we said our vows. The officiant asked us various questions about our relationship and each other. It was so good. <3 So yeah, I'm married! That's crazy.

I also got a new job and immediately had a mental crisis right after the orientation. Full on getting sick on myself and crying. XD; So I'll be starting therapy soon! It wasn't a job I was particularly attached to or interested in so I'm not too upset about it. We're good. We're safe. We have what we need. It's more about the wants that's the problem, haha, but we'll be okay (Will keeps reminding me that we're fine and that everything is okay, and I keep apologizing for being a basket case, and everything is good).

It looks like 21 of the 25 strawberry plants are coming up quite nicely! As are the snap peas and some of the bok choy. The beets have struggled and we may need to replant. I also recently transplanted over 40 lily bulbs from an overly full pot (I originally planted just three bulbs five years ago!) to a new front garden that's surrounding the larch tree we just planted. Which is looking so weird and strange, I'll have to take pictures. I love it. ;3; Also started some seeds indoors, including a bush bean that already has actual leaves coming in. I'm so proud; gonna have to expand the gardens again (a good problem to have!).

The three little grafted trees we drove to Portland to get are all budding and looking very pleased with themselves; I've moved them to one gallon pots they can stay in for this season as they mature.

Relatedly, I've been looking up some liberal homesteading accounts to follow. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that so much homesteading slants right but I continuously am. :\ I think because of that, a few people are being more open about their political views. I simply do not have it in me to take advice from anti-vaxxers or climate change deniers or anything like that.

Fandom activity came to a grinding halt for a couple of weeks but I think I'm coming out of that; today I've posted the rest of my art pieces for Rare Kink Buffet and am writing this post here! I also have a couple of reference photos I'd like to start turning into some sort of art piece. I don't know, it's kind of hard to focus on things right now. :\a But not really in a bad way, I think? I'm just preoccupied by other things.