mental health,
Mar. 28th, 2024 09:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nansliceEarlier today I was exploring the internet, as once does, and was linked to this fascinating comment on Reddit about No Zero Days. CW for mental health stuff, of course, but it was really nice to read a comment by someone who's clearly not a professional but who has good stuff to share.
So yeah, anyways, Monday night I might have had a breakdown. AGAIN. Truly, this shit is getting old.
I don't even know what my problem is except that I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and my imposter syndrome is so intense and it just makes everything worse. I've also uncovered some feelings in therapy that I'm struggling to come to terms with, particularly my own guilt with my mom and stuff. IT'S A LOT. Also just. Finding contentment? I feel like the happiness bits work out, I get happy about things, but contentment and peace are different.
I also just. Sometimes I'm sitting in the living room in the evening and it's like I'm just waiting until it's a reasonably time to go to bed. Not because I want to go to sleep but because it's something to do. That's not healthy, right? Like, I could be filling my time with way more enjoyable things then that.
ANYWAYS, bearing that last thought in mind, I....signed up for intro to swing dancing! :D :D :D I have never taken a single dance class, I am not a dancer, but I think this is going to be so much fun. Just a great way to get out of the house, do something active (releasing endorphins! GIMME!!), something fun, and something with other people. Even if these other people are to not become my BFFs or anything like that, they'll still be acquaintances for about a month and maybe even longer! Who knows!
I'm so deeply excited about it. ;o;
I also signed up to do volunteer work on Earth Day! \o/ My company supports its employees doing volunteer work and I like volunteering! It makes me happy doing some good sometimes. ;3; So I might be signing up for more volunteer opportunities in the near future. :D
In other news, I got really, really into Baldur's Gate 3, was playing like six hours a night (unheard of for me!) and then got really, really anxious about it and had to set it aside for a little while. This is how you know I'm a mess. XD; Honestly, I suspect it was because I was getting on Reddit and reading people ~hot takes~ and it got in my head; I need to not do that! But I was also getting overwhelmed by how open it is and how welcome mistakes are, because they lead the story in different directions! So many different directions. It makes it a little hard to look up help. And idk, it was just a lot. I'll definitely come back to it when I'm in a better mental state. For now, I'm gonna try to focus on games with simpler mechanics, I think!
Also! I saw an ad for this CLAMP and Netflix collab to adapt Grimm's fairy tales. I'm kind of interested in watching this! If it has ridiculous CLAMP dramatics and homoerotic tension, that's all I really need. I encourage the plots to be incoherent as hell.
And with that, I leave you guys with a picture of my most beautiful little girl, Chicken Nugget (we call her Nugget). ♥ ♥ ♥
So yeah, anyways, Monday night I might have had a breakdown. AGAIN. Truly, this shit is getting old.
I don't even know what my problem is except that I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and my imposter syndrome is so intense and it just makes everything worse. I've also uncovered some feelings in therapy that I'm struggling to come to terms with, particularly my own guilt with my mom and stuff. IT'S A LOT. Also just. Finding contentment? I feel like the happiness bits work out, I get happy about things, but contentment and peace are different.
I also just. Sometimes I'm sitting in the living room in the evening and it's like I'm just waiting until it's a reasonably time to go to bed. Not because I want to go to sleep but because it's something to do. That's not healthy, right? Like, I could be filling my time with way more enjoyable things then that.
ANYWAYS, bearing that last thought in mind, I....signed up for intro to swing dancing! :D :D :D I have never taken a single dance class, I am not a dancer, but I think this is going to be so much fun. Just a great way to get out of the house, do something active (releasing endorphins! GIMME!!), something fun, and something with other people. Even if these other people are to not become my BFFs or anything like that, they'll still be acquaintances for about a month and maybe even longer! Who knows!
I'm so deeply excited about it. ;o;
I also signed up to do volunteer work on Earth Day! \o/ My company supports its employees doing volunteer work and I like volunteering! It makes me happy doing some good sometimes. ;3; So I might be signing up for more volunteer opportunities in the near future. :D
In other news, I got really, really into Baldur's Gate 3, was playing like six hours a night (unheard of for me!) and then got really, really anxious about it and had to set it aside for a little while. This is how you know I'm a mess. XD; Honestly, I suspect it was because I was getting on Reddit and reading people ~hot takes~ and it got in my head; I need to not do that! But I was also getting overwhelmed by how open it is and how welcome mistakes are, because they lead the story in different directions! So many different directions. It makes it a little hard to look up help. And idk, it was just a lot. I'll definitely come back to it when I'm in a better mental state. For now, I'm gonna try to focus on games with simpler mechanics, I think!
Also! I saw an ad for this CLAMP and Netflix collab to adapt Grimm's fairy tales. I'm kind of interested in watching this! If it has ridiculous CLAMP dramatics and homoerotic tension, that's all I really need. I encourage the plots to be incoherent as hell.
And with that, I leave you guys with a picture of my most beautiful little girl, Chicken Nugget (we call her Nugget). ♥ ♥ ♥
no subject
Date: 2024-03-29 06:44 am (UTC)The swing dancing sounds super cool, I hope you have a ton of fun with it!! Wishing you well <3
no subject
Date: 2024-03-29 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-29 03:01 pm (UTC)I liked the "no more zero days" post.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-31 07:03 pm (UTC)Swing dance class! :D That sounds awesome!
no subject
Date: 2024-04-12 02:45 pm (UTC)I got overwhelmed like that with DAI a bunch. solidarity fistbump.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-15 08:33 pm (UTC)I got overwhelmed like that with DAI a bunch. solidarity fistbump.
I'm glad I'm not alone ;o; It definitely makes it feel like a DnD campaign in that I feel like I'm not controlling the narrative. It's just that that's not a feeling I'm familiar with in video games, so I struggle. ;o;