On fandom, my history with it, and moving forward

[nanslice]

So. I've been in fandom for a very long time. It was late 2000, I was a shy 13 year old, and we got our first computer. I immediately started searching (not "googling", nope; I used Alta Vista back then) for Slayers and Sailor Moon related stuff. I almost immediately fell into Darkness Rising (I can't believe that site is still around) and the rest is history. Because I didn't go to high school, fandom was absolutely my main way of interacting with the world. From 2000 to 2005, I was basically a shut-in. Then I started college and met imperion. And I mean! I was still addicted to fandom! It's just that I had a partner in crime to enjoy it with irl, haha.

But things change. Fandom is a very different animal. It's so open now. People write their porn under their real name and photo. Rather than the deep discussions available on yahoo groups and journaling websites, the flash bang of tumblr rules. People don't really talk about things anymore. They just like and scroll on. And I've found that although people talk a lot about coming back to journal fandom and recreating what once was, it often ends up being nostalgia talking and very little actually gets done.

And maybe that's just the way it's suppose to be. Nothing can really recreate those golden years. And not just in terms of how fandom works; I don't think I could go back to being as consumed by fandom as I was. And that was absolutely part of the appeal, being able to just lose myself in this online world. I can't. There's too much happening offline. I have too many responsibilities. I have original works I want to develop. I want to take in new media.

I don't know. I still read fic and I'm still interested in writing fic. But. I don't know. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I'm just feeling really sad about the way fandom was but also aware and (finally) accepting that we can never go back to that, and also unsure about whether I would if I could and why is does this particular hobby mean so much (because it was very much a Way of Life for a while there, haha, oh me).

Anyway. This whole thing probably doesn't make much sense but I definitely would love to hear y'all thoughts.

Comments

[lassarina]

mmmmm. I feel this.

I don't have time anymore to engage with fandom as I used to, but Imiss the people and the love I found there. Some of that is still around because I'm still friends with a lot of those people, but you're right that we can't recreate what was.

That said, I still think it's important for me to engage with fandom - I don't quite know what I'm saying here either, but man, I'd miss so much if I stopped hanging out with fannish people.

[nanslice]

HMMM. I think it's mostly the general excitement and camaraderie that I miss the most. But I think I'm finally just coming to terms with the fact that fandom as I knew and loved is gone and no matter how much people say they want to bring it back, it's gone. And that's okay. Fandom has changed and our "generation" of fans has changed. It happens. Things evolve and unfortunately, this time it evolved into something I'm not super interested in participating in.

That's partially why I've abandoned other social media sites but kept DW. It's still comfortable here. Although, haha, tumblr is always good for likes, I guess, even though it's so much screaming into the void.

I'll probably still engage with fandom - I'm in the middle of a Beauty and the Beast piece, haha - but I'm probably going to stop trying to build it up anymore. No stretching myself over multiple platforms. No worrying about the state of it. It's just going to be a hobby, instead of the home it used to be.

....oh jeez. ;;;;

But anyway, no matter how fannish or non-fannish I get, I'll always keep using DW. I can't imagine not having an online blog of some kind and facebook just doesn't do it for me at all.